The Parent Moments That Made Me Facepalm

My Daughter is a Silly Kid

Sammy is full of life and has a personality that you can never forget. She can press my buttons and she thinks she can get away with anything with a smile. Every parent knows those times where you cannot believe a small little human can make such a big mess? I have a few stories just like that and I will never forget it.

 Sammy Cut Off Chunks Of Her Hair.

Some parents know that story far too well. Sammy had the most beautiful curly hair as a baby and it stayed curly as she got older. One night I was out with the girls and I came home to my daughter laughing and running away. I did not think much of it because she did that all the time.

I went over and asked my mother and her dad if she was being a good girl that night and they both gave me a robotic “Yeah”.

I call her little butt over and there you have it…what stood before me was a Sammy with the most horrible looking haircut.

I freaked.

I asked why no one was watching her and I asked where the hell did she get scissors from and why did no one take them away from her. My mother and her father were giving me excuse upon excuse, but I settled down after 3 dramatic minutes. It happens.

Sammy handed the scissors to me and I tried to fix the mess myself (I cut my own hair) but I could not save it. She cut it waaaayyy too short. I cut it pretty short and it looked horrendous. I had to go to the salon and the lady looked over at Sammy and told me, “Say no more, come with me!”

Sammy liked her hair cut and I grew to like it after a couple of days but it still hurt to see her baby curls go.

She Had A Horrible Problem With Writing On The Wall

Samantha Grace is the most creative creature you will ever come by. She can make something out of anything…that is her main problem.

She once grabbed my markers and drew her father and I on her brand new dresser and lovingly told us it was her favorite people in the world. The little rascal knew how to tug at my damn heartstrings. She once drew a house with Totoro from the movie “My Neighbor Totoro” and drew all of us around him with hearts.  I could not catch a break with that girl.

She Said The Wrong Word All The Time (Inappropriate Words)

She had a speech problem because she had giant tonsils and adenoids that prevented her from hearing well. She had a horrible case of sleep apnea and she had to go to Valley Children’s often when she was little.

Sammy had trouble saying “Socks”. She would say “Cocks” instead. We always tried to correct her and it would never go through.

She would say it in the most crowded places where people would look at me weird. You know that “Parent Judgy Stare“. Sammy would say, “My cock is falling off!” right in front of the cashiers and I would have to bring up that she meant sock and people then give out a nervous laugh of relief.  She would say beach as “bitch”, clap was “crap” and so forth.

She was funny.


She Liked Being Naked

It was her thing when she was around two years old. She liked to strip down and run around naked for a little bit and it was fine when we were alone, but there was a time when there was the family over and it was not pretty.

But The BIGGEST “Oh HELL NO!” Moment was…

When she painted the garage white.

It happened when I was painting outside and Sammy was playing with her dolls in the dirt in the backyard. She then asked for some juice and I knew her father was in the living room right next to the kitchen and I told her, “Go ask Daddy, he’s in the living room.” She stood and ran to the garage door (That was the only entrance at the time).

She always went in and out and I saw no problem with her going alone. She was almost 4 and she had done it a hundred times before. I was really into my painting and that is where I messed up. That was my biggest mistake, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

About fifteen minutes have passed and I put my paintbrush down and I looked around. It was too quiet.

I was thinking she stayed inside with her dad and was playing inside but for some reason, I had a feeling she wasn’t. You know that feeling when you know there is something wrong.

I stood and walked over to the door when I heard shuffling around on the other side. A little giggle and more shuffling. I barged in and there stood a Sammy covered in white. She had got into the house paint and made a paint path from the door to the garage opening on the other side. She put white paint handprints on the walls and she made a silly heart. She stood there smiling from ear to ear with her hands up saying “Ta-da!”

The paint was EVERYWHERE. The walls and the floor. A whole half a tub of paint was wasted all over.

All I could do at the moment was facepalm and rub my temple and let out a looong sigh. I called her dad over and he came in and just looked over at me and started to laugh. I had to be the strong parent at the moment because her dad blew it. I held my laugh because it was all ridiculous. Things like this only happen to us because we are just that stupid. I sucked in a breath and asked her dad to go over and help pick up the paint while I picked her up for a bath. I told her it was not okay what she did. She was good at listening. She knows when she did wrong and she apologizes and she does not do it again (thank god) but I did not know what to do after that. I got her clean (the paint took FOREVER to come off) and by then her dad was not nearly halfway done with the mess. I had to go on my hands and knees and scrub the floor while her dad drilled me with questions asking how it all happened and I explained but laughed it off. I would be frustrated, but I got past the point of angry to “What the actual fuck…”


My Daughter Has Done Some Crazy Stuff

Kids will be kids or this might fall into the “Bad Parenting” category but it happens people. It happens. Some kids are angels and then there are kids that are spawns of satan. And then there are children like Sammy who are in between.

And you know what…they are all pretty awesome.

What have your kids done that made you Facepalm? Leave a comment below!

Until Next Time!

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