I have been home for 2 weeks
I hate it. I remember why I left home in the first place.
I love my friends and family but being here in hot California really gets on my nerves for some reason. I wouldn’t say because of the country in general, just being back in my small town really just puts me down.
Out there, I saw opportunities and that the possibilities were endless but they are not here.
It feels like I am trapped in this little bubble and all my family and everyone’s expectations are really just digging deep.
I feel like I don’t belong here anymore
The more I think about home, I don’t think of this place anymore. I know back in England I missed this place, and I do miss things…but not as much as I miss it there.
The food. I always talked about how the food was better here and blah blah blah…but man oh man. I have not had a stomach ache so bad until I got here. The food here is so fattening and full of crap that it does not sit well. I can’t eat as many tacos as I used to, it tastes like grease paper now and the burgers make me feel like I am carrying 300 extra pounds. And when I sit here in arms reach about the food I was raving about, I knew I had no idea what I was talking about.
I realized I missed the food here and my mothers Mexican cooking, but that is it really (of course aside from the obvious Sammy). Just the food and all the things there is to do. But I feel lonely here. I feel like I am suffocating and I want to get out as soon as possible. To leave and never to return but visit.
But I am broke, I have no real support from my family and it just seems like a dream again to be able to leave my town.
I thought about how will I be able to move there from here and how much I need and what not and it seemed soo simple there. I was living it. I was there. I was literally in the place of my dreams just 2 and a half weeks ago going to play pool on late nights. And now here I am in my own bed dreading to go to the stupid job that I hate. Waking up and hating every single moment of it. These walls and all these streets carry horrible memories I want to forget.
I wish things were slow and simple like it was there. Nothing seemed rushed, people were rude and all, but they were not shy to tell you EXACTLY how they feel about you. Opposed to here where you have to guess.
I used to think Americans were so friendly and whatever but I just realized it was all a facade. They know how to hide it better. They fake smile at you to your face.
I am just feeling homesick
That is right…I said it. I feel homesick about a place that was only my home for a couple of months. But it sure felt like home. The people there were my kind of people. I didn’t make friends but I realized I didn’t really have to. I had a blast with or without anyone.
The sunny beaches, the foresty mountains, and the fields of grapes don’t sing to me like the patter of the rain and the brick walls.
I did not know just how much I would miss England…
And I know I annoy people when I talk about it but it is true…all true. I miss it terribly.
I wish one day I would be able to go back with a one-way ticket this time and not look back.